Tuesday, February 07, 2006

"Some Guy Told Me..."

At our house, we used to use the word FACTOIDS for these things that "some guy told me" or "I read somewhere."

From "The Dilbert Blog," Some Guy Told Me:

There are many ways to learn things. You could read a book, take a class, perhaps do your own experiments. My favorite source of knowledge is called "some guy told me." When you consider that my other favorite source is hallucinations, the "some guy told me" method of knowledge acquisition is relatively reliable.

Recently I was wondering how whales have the time to suck in enough oxygen through their tiny blow holes during the fleeting moments they are above water and not exhaling. That’s when "some guy told me" that he had asked the same question at a place I can’t recall but will refer to as the "Institute of Whale Experts" or IOWE for short. The guy at the IOWE, or it could have been a woman, said that they don’t know the answer to that question either.

This made me feel rather smug, being nearly as smart on this particular question as some guy, or it could have been a woman, at the IOWE.

I also asked the naturalist on my whale watching cruise how whales sleep, since they need to frequently surface for breathing. This is important because I know from experience that getting up at night to pee even once will make me tired the next day. I can’t imagine needing to wake up and go someplace every time I needed some oxygen. The naturalist guy, or it could have been a woman, informed me that whales don’t exactly sleep. They just sort of meditate now and then. I didn’t ask, but I assume that Killer Whales do not meditate and that is why they are cranky.

By far, the most important thing I learned about whales, aside from the fact that their blow holes are not involved in foreplay, is that some whales have two of them. That’s right – two blow holes.

Now you might say that a whale needs a second blow hole like he needs a hole in the head. But it wouldn’t be funny. My point is that a whale with two blow holes is for all practical purposes a giant nose. And that is why I don’t swim in the ocean – it’s full of noses.

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At 4:56 PM, Blogger Lizzie said...

This reminds me so much of when I was a kid and my mom used to tell us how "they" were wearing this and that, and we should, too.

"Who the F is 'they', Mom?" we asked.

She used to roll her eyes as though it was understood that 'they', naturally, had all the answers, and 'we', naturally, would be forever in the dark.

Hmmm...come to think of it, Mom may have had a point...


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