In which Melina takes care of business

Earlier this week, Melina went to get her systems examined. In Connecticut, she was only required to do this once a year, but in New York, which seems to have more stringent standards, Melina must get her systems examined every six months, and unfortunately, they have not set up a method for her to do this by calling 311 (the otherwise all-purpose city helpline).

Melina picked her doctor because he was on her health plan and he was in her neighborhood. His disadvantages were that he was (a) male, (b) old, and (c) was German and peculiar. However, on her previous visit he had been satisfactory in that (a) he didn't cause Melina any pain, and (b) he didn't drag the whole event out for too long. (Melina is healthy as a horse, and is not picky about doctors). So she went again.

This time, though, he sent Melina into a rage. She asked him some questions about her systems, to which he more or less responded by saying "Don't worry about these things." Melina objected to this statement! They are her systems! They are finely tuned, complex and vulnerable! She is obligated to worry about them!

The last straw was when Mr. Old Doctor Guy told Melina, "Don't worry about anything. Really, I'm very pleased with you." He practically patted her on the head.

Now, Mr. Doctor Guy is probably used to working with nervous Upper East Side pregnant types who have read too much post-feminist pregnancy literature, and who need to be told that even though they had half a glass of wine and some tuna last week, their baby is not going to die, and they can go back to shopping for $900 strollers.

But Melina is neither Upper East Side, nor pregnant, nor nervous by temperament. When Mr. Doctor Guy told her he was "very pleased" with her, she burst into a fury and told him "That's great that you're pleased with me, but I am the one who needs to be pleased with me."

Mr. Doctor Guy did not seem to understand the significance of the statement, but rest assured, six months from now Melina will be taking her business -- and her admirably functioning systems -- elsewhere.