Group houses are full of people who make great first impressions
Speaking of dating, my daughter Melina wrote last night:
I actually believe that your first 24-hour period of knowing someone can set the tone for the entire relationship - that in just a few formative hours you can set up power dynamics that last for years, and during those hours both of you decide exactly which of your personal psychological defects will be activated, enhanced or healed by the relationship.Do you agree? It's true some people make you feel funny and smart and kind, right off the bat, while others make you (or me anyway) feel shrill and neurotic, and that's crucial information! But after brief ruminating, I have some initial objections to the 24-hour test period:
- A first meeting can be haphazard (I met my first love, my own El Compositor, over the steam tables at breakfast in college) or - as with the internet sites - intentional. Preparation does not necessarily improve a first meeting, but it does alter it!
- Some people show you their best at first meeting (wait in vain for more, this is all there is) and some unfold over time. Some seem, at first, to be sad-sacks or jerks, and yet turn out to be wonderful. Some seem wonderful at first and then turn out to be awful jerks. This is because
- There are introverts and there are extroverts; there are clutch hitters and then there are choke artists. Which leads to Melina's father's excellent observation:
- "Group houses [and, let me add, internet-spawned dating situations] are full of people who make great first impressions."
That said, some initial impressions will never be erased and should never be forgiven. If a guy insults you, even in jest, on the first date; if he leaves a chintzy tip for the waitress; if he brags about his SAT scores or his car; if he turns on the television; if he drinks 18 drinks; well, then, enough said...
So, what do YOU think? I'm really interested - since my own intuition is shot, I'd like to hear from yours...
Technorati Tags: Love, Relationships, Dating, Internet