PRATIE PLACE

Friday, May 06, 2005

Bass player offenses and fines

Bass player offenses/fines list
from anon-11644109@craigslist.org via Melina.

My bassplayer ex-boyfriend used to say there are two kinds of bassplayers - the tall skinny gloomy ones and the plump cheery ones. Sadly, he was of the first kind.

Name of offender _____________________________
Date of offense(s) _____ / _____ / _______

Musical offenses
  • Sound-checking amp with funk slapping — $25
  • Loud cursing after mistake — $10
  • Playing high and fast after mistake — $20
  • Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes — $20
  • Asking for "E" tuning note — $25
  • Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb — $50
  • Writing note names over ledger-line notes — $50
  • Playing eighth notes — $5 each
  • Playing sixteenth notes — $10 each
  • Playing above 1st octave-immediate dismissal
  • Dragging fast tempo — $75
  • Dragging ballad tempo — $100
  • Blacking out during ballad — $200
  • Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me — $1000

Upright player offenses
  • Asking leader for a solo — $30
  • Accepting solo when offered — $50
  • Taking second chorus — $100
  • Playing solo arco — $400
  • Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune — $25
  • Playing "A Train" ending on every tune — $200
  • Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune — $500

Electric player offenses
  • Playing with a pick — $50
  • Tuning during ballad — $30
  • Attempting last word on final chord — $50
  • Achieving last word on final chord — $100
  • Long gliss down to final note — $200

Equipment violations—electric
  • Forgetting strap — $10
  • Forgetting to turn amp on — $40
  • Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip — $50
  • Asking horn player for help moving amp — $25
  • Bringing custom-made bass — $100 per string above 4
  • Bringing more than 1 bass — $100 per extra bass
  • Skull decals on bass — $150
  • Bringing fretless bass — $500

Criminal bad taste and basic stupidity
  • Quoting "Birdland" — $25
  • Practicing scales during break — $25
  • Practicing scales during drum solo — $50
  • Practicing — $150
  • Continually asking "where are we?" — $25
  • Continually shouting "Yeah!" — $25
  • Taking cellphone call during 4's — $100


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4 Comments:

At 6:31 AM, Blogger phoenix said...

OMG too funny and I am with you on all of those!!!

I added you to my blog roll :) Hope you don't mind. I love your sense of humor!

 
At 8:14 AM, Blogger Miriam Jones said...

Shouldn't the fine for cell phone use be higher? A lot higher?

 
At 5:54 PM, Blogger Mirty said...

OK, I don't know what most of those offenses even mean. I dated a plump cheery bass player. He probably committed all those crimes, cheerfully.

 
At 9:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Failure to take drummer's tempo- $200
Taking drummer's tempo- $500

Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in his car? He had to call AAA to get the drummer out.

 

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