What not to get your loved ones for the holidays

Hannah sent me this best-of-craigslist post:

Wretched ill-natured panicky Guineas
I have more Guinea cock birds than hens, am kicking out the single dudes. One lavender and two "royal purple" birds available. Hatched mid-July. $10 each or $25 for all three. Or will trade for laying hens or possibly some other good-natured poultry, turkeys maybe, no peafowl.

Have been free-ranging, now penned in Guinea Alcatraz in my barn.

These birds have been hateful towards my laying pullets, and I do not recommend them if they will share a coop with chickens or other small poultry of other species. Maybe gamecocks. That would be karmic.

They aren't aggressive towards people, cats, or dogs -- but then, the people, cats, and dogs around here don't take crap from birds. They are not tame, and are still convinced after four months that I'm going to eat them in the morning. This is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

These birds do great tick and insect control, and don't tear up the garden the way chickens do. Not as filthy as most poultry.

They are very noisy. If your neighbor has a barking dog or annoying offspring, these would be fine revenge.

If you just find it amusing to see brainless alien freaks that look like old-style football helmets running around on tiny orange legs, they will fit the bill.

Buy my surplus ill-natured Guineas. They are too scrawny for Thanksgiving.