[New York Bureau]:The Bridal Simper
Earlier this week I had dinner with my sweetheart, the Urban Caballero, his Cousin Julie, and Julie's fiancee. They're getting married next summer, and have begun the awe-inspiringly complicated process of throwing themselves the biggest party of their lives. As they are sweet, unpretentious people, they've found this process somewhat overhelming.
At some point during dinner I noticed this book on the shelf next to the table and fished it out to have a look. "Oh, that's what the people from work got me," Julie said, embarrassed.
"Wow," I said. "That's a serious looking wedding planner."
"I know," said Julie, and showed me the thrifty workbook she had already created, which consisted of a 50 cent spiral notebook with a bow glued to its cover.
"Look at that bride's face," I said. "Julie, I don't see you making that face."
Julie attempted to make the face, which I've now seen on several other wedding planner guidebooks:
You'll be happy to know, even the mother of the bride is allowed to make this face:
After several tries, Cousin Julie's fiancee was getting concerned.
"Julie," he said, "You don't make that face very often. Is something wrong? Do you not want to get married?"
After doing some research, I realized that the groom is actually obligated to make a different sort of expression - one that is somewhat lacking in activity or intelligence, but involves a sort of bland, genial acceptance of whatever crazy nonsense the bride is putting him through because the wedding planner said so.
(Though I can't imagine how she can even see the wedding planner while squinting beatifically through all those eyelashes).