La heroina Melina y el Borracho Guapo

Dear readers,

it is now time for me to tell you what happened to me last weekend.

Here is our heroine, Melina. (GOOD.)



And here is our villain, El Borracho (BAD.)

(or is he the romantic interest? Tune in for tomorrow's plot twist.)


But I'm getting ahead of myself. Anyway, this is Borracho, and I could put his whole face up here because he has a website, but we won't do that right now.

Melina and Borracho meet on Saturday afternoon. Borracho is prompt, courteous, and calls reliably when he says he will call. Not only this, but Borracho has identified an excellent restaurant in Melina's neighborhood and guides Melina there for a lovely dinner.

At dinner, Melina and Borracho split a bottle of wine and have a very nice time. Borracho even orders dessert and splits it with her, and sneakily pays while she is in the bathroom to avoid any awkward moment.

Borracho has now had two drinks.

While Borracho is in the bathroom, Melina has a conversation with a waiter, which presages problems to come.



"Hey, how're you doing?" asks the waiter.
Melina says, "Fine, I think we're doing great for a first date!"
"No way, it's a first date?" asks the waiter. "You guys are doing good.

YOu know what I'd say, though - you should get some tequila shots. That's what I always think is good for a first date. That gets you blibber-blabbering real good, real quickly."

Melina thinks this is not necessarily a good idea. However, she has another plan. Thanks to the excellent advice of Our Friend Terry, she guides El Borracho downtown to possibly the worlds coolest jazz club.

There, they take in a brilliant set by Bill Frisell and his band. Being a modern working woman, who is enjoying Borracho's company, Melina is more than happy to pay for this concert, and Borracho acquiesces gracefully.



"Smart guys like jazz," Terry has advised, and since Borracho (if I haven't mentioned) is an Ivy League applied mathemetician, Melina is pleased to see that he does enjoy the concert.

By the end of this concert, Borracho has had (cumulatively speaking) six drinks.

Melina and Borracho wander around downtown looking for this pool hall that Melina can only vaguely locate, calling various friends at home and harassing them to google the address, with no success, for about half an hour. They eventually give up, because neither of them wants to look too OCD, so they settle for a gothic bar called "The Slaughtered Lamb." It's logo is this, which both Melina and Borracho find kind of charming.

Bear in mind, Borracho seems completely lucid at this point, and Melina thinks, "oh well, I guess some people just aren't affected by liquor."

Melina and Borracho settle down in a booth next to a life-size statue of a werewolf biting the neck of a fair damsel, and yak for several more hours.

Borracho has now had maybe 12 or 15 drinks.

At this point, Borracho becomes aware that he has missed his last train, but Melina is feeling that she wouldn't mind lending him the use of her couch.

Melina and Borracho get in a cab. Borracho suddenly seems to be having trouble walking and communicating. Melina starts to get a little of that "UH-OH" feeling.

Borracho stumbles up the stairs to Melina's apartment and heads straight for the bathroom, locking himself in.

Ten minutes later, he is still there.

20 minutes later, he is still there. Melina, whose own buzz is starting to wear off a bit, starts pounding at the bathroom door. "Come out Borracho! Other people live in this apartment! They need to use the bathroom!"

The silence continues. Melina is beginning to feel worried...

To be continued....