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Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Hot Brides Dancing

Yesterday I wrote about wet brides. Mirty commented:
I've sat through so many outdoor wedding in the summer in Texas. Folks, it's really, really hot here in July! Even in September, honestly. We're all shvitzing and the Rabbi says, "Don't worry. I haven't lost a bride yet! Someone might faint, but not the bride!"
Here are a few stories about hot brides dancing:
  1. My accordion-playing friend David DiGiuseppe has a band which was hired to do a contra-dance for a wedding held IN A TOBACCO BARN in the dog days of August one year. The barn, decorated nicely, was of course not air-conditioned and the band was UPSTAIRS where the air was glowing and pulsating. The bride did faint and had to be taken to the hospital, which sobered the festive atmosphere somewhat. Then the check bounced.

  2. My band did an outdoor wedding this summer which was almost 45 minutes late getting started: the wedding couple was shlepping from one greensward to another trying to find one which was not as hot as the others. (!!)

    The bridal procession was also notable because nobody cued us and nobody told us the bride was wearing emerald green - so we kept playing, waiting for a woman in white to arrive.

    This couple had been planning to have raucous dancing outside on the grass, even though earlier in the day I surely could not have been the only one pointing out it was 100 degrees. Finally they yielded and held the dance indoors. We, the band, played in five different locations that day.

  3. Earlier in the summer, when it was hot but not killingly so, we had done another outdoor wedding where dancing on the grass was planned. We had noticed during the ceremony that the groom was wearing sneakers with his tuxedo. But what we didn't notice till we got to the greensward, where the rollicking was to commence, that the bride was wearing orange sneakers under her gorgeous gown. They danced in comfort and with great delight. (Of course, there were others in high heels who were less comfortable...)

In the coming years of global warming, when perhaps people will be wed floating on gondolas at the North Pole, outdoor weddings here in North Carolina are going to be increasingly problematic.

I think I'm may add this warning to our contract: musical instruments are put together with hide glue, which melts at high heats, and that, like the canaries in the mine, violins commence to sproinging open shortly before wedding guests keel over with heat prostration.

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