Worst Songs of the 70s
Why are boomers so angry, still, about the awful songs we were subjected to way back when? It was more than thirty years ago, how can I still be so furious at Tony Orlando?
Well, young people, it will be hard for you to understand, but back then, we listened to the radio. No remote controls so you'd have to go over and turn the knob manually. "They" chose the songs. We couldn't choose our own playlist unless we were willing to hover over the record player, which required constant attention. So we listened to the radio and heard awful songs, every hour of every day.
Why didn't we turn off the radios? I can't remember.
OK, the history lesson is over. All persons who do not remember the 70s might as well move along right now. You wouldn't be interested, anyway.
Are they gone?
Rhino Records chose some favorite horrible songs for their cd ’70s Party Killer Classics:
"It's way past your bedtime, and you gotta break this sucker up FAST. You grab that new Rhino CD off your shelf, and voila -- problem solved. '70s Party Killers, our new collection of the all-time "classic" pop singles that inexplicably were huge Top 5 hits. Eight of them got to #1! These cheesy standards by the Superstars of Schlock are guaranteed to clear the room in a hurry."
- Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Ole Oak Tree - Tony Orlando & Dawn
- The Night Chicago Died - Paper Lace
- Billy, Don’t Be A Hero - Bo Donaldson & The Heywoods
- (You’re) Having My Baby - Paul Anka with Odia Coates
- Playground In My Mind - Clint Holmes
- Feelings - Morris Albert
- Sometimes When We Touch - Dan Hill
- The Candy Man - Sammy Davis, Jr.
- Afternoon Delight - Starland Vocal Band
- Torn Between Two Lovers - Mary MacGregor
- Escape (The Pina Colada Song) - Rupert Holmes
- Muskrat Love - Captain & Tennille
Huh? I actually never heard of a bunch of those songs (or at least, I don't remember them, which means they couldn't have been the ABSOLUTE WORST.
Seeing that list made me want to excoriate the songs which I truly detested back in the good old days.
Here is a list of some songs which can STILL make me shudder just hearing their names.
If I have chosen some you actually liked, I'm sorry. I bet you hated some I liked, too...
American Pie - Don McLean
Angel of the Morning - Merrilee Rush
Brand New Key - Melanie
Cherish - David Cassidy
Close To You - The Carpenters
Georgie Girl - The Seekers
Girl, You'll be a Woman Soon - Neil Diamond
Happiness Runs in a Circular Motion - Donovan
Have You Never Been Mellow - Olivia Newton-John
Hooked on a Feeling - B.J. Thomas
Hopelessly Devoted to You - Olivia Newton-John
Hurdy Gurdy Man - Donovan
I Am I Said - Neil Diamond
I Honestly Love You - Olivia Newton-John
In the Ghetto - Mac Davis
Jennifer Juniper - Donovan
Knock Three Times - Tony Orlando & Dawn
Lay Lady Lay - Bob Dylan
MacArthur Park - Richard Harris (Jimmy Webb)
Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da - The Beatles
Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head - BJ Thomas
Ruby, Don't Take Your Love To Town - Kenny Rogers
Sing A Song - The Carpenters
Song Sung Blue - Neil Diamond
Take a Letter Maria - R.B. Greaves
Three Times a Lady - the Commodores
Tom Jones - She's a Lady
Up, Up and Away in My Beautiful Balloon - The 5th Dimension
Watching Scotty Grow - Mac Davis
We've Only Just Begun - The Carpenters
So now do you have a horrible song to leave for me in the comments sections? Please?
Then you can go visit Dave Barry's worst song essay:
Honorable mention goes to Bobby Goldsboro, who got many votes for various songs, especially "Honey." One voter wrote: "Why does everybody hate Bobby Goldsboro's 'Honey'? I hate it too, but I want to know WHY."
Why? Consider this verse: "She wrecked the car and she was sad; And so afraid that I'd be mad, but what the heck; Tho' I pretended hard to be; Guess you could say she saw through me; And hugged my neck."
OK, have you thought of one yet?
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