A startling act of kindness plunges me into an intense two seconds of gloom.

I have a perverse and secret pleasure: I like to go to McDonald's for a McDouble without cheese and a diet coke.

It thwarts the norms of my earnest and wholesome peer group. I know I won't see anybody I know there. I love lurking and watching other people get on with their days, and Mcdonald's is a great place for that.

As the daughter and granddaughter of miserly people, I get a little thrill out of paying $2.00 for lunch...

It also appeals to my sense of absurdity to do my Yiddish homework at McDonalds.

Sometimes, if I'm lonely, I'll go to the McDonald's inside Super Walmart. This quadruples the violation. Then I pick up a giant bride magazine, because my daughter is getting married and I miss her, and I ogle the wedding porn while I eat my $1.00 hamburger. Afterwards, I put the magazine back in the rack, because ogling is one thing and paying for it is another.

Yesterday I planned a stop at Mcdonalds on the way to my gig with Bob at Whole Foods. And instead of my bill being $2.14, as it usually is, it was $1.65 or something. I looked up inquiringly and the girl said: "I gave you the senior discount."

Ack! Well, yes, I was horrified for a moment, but 40 cents is 40 cents, so I sucked up my chagrin and drank my cheap diet coke with pleasure. After all, I'm still above ground - in fact, I'm still fiddling! Things could be vastly worse. My mom never even lived to enjoy a senior discount...