Frightening, ugly cake topper gets a makeover

As you know, my daughter is getting married, and I'm a do-it-yourself type of person and don't like the way wedding vendors overprice their wares, so I turned my attention recently to "cake toppers." I may do a report on them later, but for now suffice it to say that Menticia and I bought some Sculpey and started trying to make our own.

As an online guide suggested, we used twisted wire for an armature (they suggested expensive floral wire, but I used the wire left over from my days with rebar, it's much cheaper). I drilled holes in blocks of 2x4s. We twisted head-loops in the armature, added arm-wires, stuck the wire ends in the block of wood, crammed bits of aluminum foil in and around the framework, and then covered it with a thin layer of polymer clay.


Well, as you see my first try looked more like a Paleolithic fertility goddess than it does any human being you'd like to marry.

My son Ezra said: "Don't worry, Mom, this is just your first one. Imagine how creepy you could make them with a little practice."

He described her theatrical arm gesture as: "Oh, why did you make me like this?!" ...

... and then he asked: "Are you going to inscribe the Word of Life on her forehead?" (This was his erudite reference to the Golem.)

Nice, supportive attitude, my son!

Jeimy had to go home before we had time to "finish" our creatures (hers doesn't look any better than mine).

The next day I baked mine in the toaster-oven (warning: after I did it, my doctor friend Mark said I've now rendered the oven unfit for human use) and discovered that if you lay the golem down in the oven to bake it, the base will catch on fire. (You can see the charring.)

During our "Illustration Friday" session yesterday, I gave my hideous bride a dress, some hair, and a tiara. Oh, and also a nose job and a facelift. Then I painted her and this is how she looks now.

Stay posted for similar future experiments! It was a hoot!