Best. Buy. Ever. (Brian Sack)

From Brian Sack, the Banterist.

Employees I've dealt with at electronics mega-retailer Best Buy, placed in other lines of work.

• COMEDY CLUB EMCEE
  Tells audience he'll "be right with them" and spends the next eight minutes trying to break down a cardboard box.
  
  
• PHARMACIST
  Says he needs a key for the cabinet. Goes and looks for a key. Says he doesn't know who has the key. Shrugs.
  
  
• NEW YORK STOCK EXCHANGE
  Is adamant that SBUX is around $80 per share. Finally consults a computer and admits it's $34 and he doesn't know what happened because he's sure it was $80 yesterday.
  
  
• POLICEMAN
  Can't help you with the stabbing because he's only familiar with larceny.
  
  
• WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY
  Answers all questions with "Mmmmmmhmmmm." When asked directly if he knows what he's talking about, excuses himself and doesn't return.
  
  
• WAITER
  Knows they definitely don't carry bread because they only sell food. Checks with manager. Had no idea bread was food.
  
  
• WHOLE FOODS CLERK
  When asked for parsley, leads you to squash.

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