My Miss America Experience

Melina here, your beauty pageant correspondent. Lucky many of my college posse stopped by to help me watch on Saturday night. They thought they were only going to stay for a few minutes, and then they would go to a bar, but they became entranced by the show and stayed for the whole time. One of them brought me a tiara to wear while I watched, which was very sweet.

the show was hosted by the plumber from Desperate Housewives, who women like because he is scruffy and non-pretentious. The Miss America producers, not understanding this, dressed him up in a tuxedo and gave him cheesy lines, which he delivered with a little bit of shame (this shame would sometimes turn into dismay when he realized that the audience didn't even *get* a lot of the awful jokes they wrote for him).

My friends were most fascinated by the talent competition, and annoyed that so many contestants were singers. "What if your talent is being a really good listener?" my buddy Jordan asked. Other talents we would have preferred to see were martial arts, stand-up comedy ("Take Miss Kentucky! ....Please!") and truck repair (since it was broadcast on the country music channel).

Instead, we got a singer, a piano player, two ballerinas, and a jazz dancer. The singer was the contestant we were had been rooting for up until that point, but it was the worst singing we'd ever heard on live TV. It was really, really bad, and we switched loyalties to the piano player (she came in first runner up). The only other really entertaining moment was when the host asked each finalist what was her pet peeve. This same unfortunate contestant, the singer, answered, "People who talk too much" and proceeded to explain why it annoyed her so much until a buzzer cut her off. Irony, safe to say, has not arrived to Miss America. they all take themselves very, very seriously, which is unfortunate. this year's actual winner I find extremely unmemorable, except that when the host asked her what food has she been craving that she would finally get to eat once the pageant was over, she said french fries in ranch dressing. which is gross, but at least she fessed up to it. that's too weird to invent.

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